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Fic: Pavlovian
Title: Pavlovian
Fandom: Exo
Focus: Lu Han-centric, (one-sided) Lu Han/Xiumin
Genre: Romance, Gen
Rating: G
Length: Oneshot, 1000 words
Summary: Lu Han helps Xiumin with his Mandarin, for better or for worse.
Lu Han likes the way Korean sounds on his tongue, his voice carrying each syllable past his lips and into Minseok's ear. Hours of classes and years of practice have weathered away his accent, and the lack of mistakes nowadays has little to do with promoting in China. While Mandarin still slips out easily even after years away from what once was home -- as easily as sliding into place next to Minseok on-stage -- it's Korean he speaks behind closed doors, sings under his breath when the cameras aren't around.
But even under bright lights and the scrutiny of thousands of eyes, as the MCs chatter with the others and the audience roars appreciatively, Lu Han will place a hand on Minseok's shoulder and whisper Korean too low for anyone else to hear. Stray comments missed by the translator, exaggerated imitations of Yifan's scripted responses and Tao's sickeningly adorable ones, unprompted answers to questions Minseok doesn't even have time to convert into elementary Mandarin.
"Thank you," Minseok says each time, the phrase too simple for him to trip over but more than enough for Lu Han. He smiles widely at Lu Han, gums showing and teeth gleaming under the spotlight.
Sometimes, Lu Han is bold enough to grab Minseok's hand instead. Sometimes in addition to Minseok's smile, Lu Han is rewarded with the squeeze of small fingers, tightening around his heart. Minseok's hold is firm and strong in a way people probably don't expect from someone with such soft features, but Lu Han doesn't mind shackles like this.
"I didn't catch that," Minseok whispers behind his hand one day, an observation rather than a complaint. He laughs a beat too slow, his lips curled up into a confused smile, so Lu Han scoots over and eagerly explains the joke the MC made about Yixing's face. It's a pretty poor one and Lu Han doesn't properly insert the MC's trademark comedic pauses, but when it elicits a genuine laugh from Minseok, he knows it's worth it.
That's how it starts.
Languages only come easy to some people -- Lu Han simply has to look within his own group to confirm this, watching as Zitao and Jongdae take turns stumbling in each other's mother tongue while Yifan easily corrects one or the other with a fond smile on his face. Thus, Lu Han is happy to pick up where the translator and Minseok's understanding leave him lacking.
Initially, Lu Han only translates a word here or there, ones that Minseok couldn't have possibly picked up no matter how many lessons he's been assigned. Minseok's thanks is always satisfying in an understated sort of way, the crinkling of his eyes, a relieved sigh, the way he turns to Lu Han with unmistakable gratitude on his face.
It gets easier for Lu Han to read Minseok, how his shoulders tense when he can't keep up with the scripted banter or how his eyes dart from one side of the stage to the other to monitor the others' reactions. Yet very rarely will Minseok even glance at him despite standing side-by-side, no matter how ready Lu Han is to help.
"Feel free to ask anytime," Lu Han assures him backstage as they're getting fitted for their mics, throwing his arms around Minseok's neck from behind, "I don't want you feeling left out."
Minseok pats one of his arms, rolling his eyes. "I'm a big boy, Lu Han, I can take care of myself."
And he probably can -- Minseok's more capable than anyone gives him credit for -- but Lu Han likes how his eyes light up when Lu Han explains something to him in familiar Korean, that silly smile that spreads on his face. It's not a problem if Minseok's progress with Mandarin starts to slip, if his initiative happens to falter whenever Lu Han offers him easy comprehension on a silver platter.
It's not a problem.
Only it is, seeing as Yifan and Yixing corner Lu Han after he's spent one too many days coaxing Minseok out of Mandarin practice with Zitao. It had only been a matter of time; Minseok's workbook pages have been neglected for weeks now, his accent noticeably worse.
"I get it, okay?" Yifan says with all the self-assurance of someone who actually doesn't, "but you can't keep using Minseok as an excuse to practice your Korean when he's supposed to be learning Mandarin."
"It's not like that. I'm helping him," Lu Han tries to argue, his fists tightening at his sides in sync with his chest. He wants to punch Yifan.
Yifan's glare pierces straight through his words, both the truth and the lie. "You're hindering him. He's barely spoken ten complete sentences in Mandarin on the past three shows we've been on. Barely even tried. You think no one's noticed you whispering in his ear all of the time?"
Slender hands -- Yixing's, the traitor -- settle on Lu Han's shoulders, holding him back from further regrets.
"We're worried too, and we know you're just trying to help," Yixing reasons, his voice steady and even. Yet with every word, Lu Han feels his heart sinking heavily. "Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime, remember? This isn't fair to Minseok."
Even if they're right, even if Yixing's his best friend and Yifan's his leader, Lu Han can't stop. Won't stop.
"I don't know what I'd do without you," Minseok tells him, sitting so close that Lu Han can feel his warm breath. The last of a translation has just barely left Lu Han's lips when Minseok's hand reaches for his, giving it a small squeeze. He feels Yifan's disapproving stare directed at the back of his head, yet all he can think of is Minseok's gaze -- so tender that he could mistake it for more than mere gratefulness, can pretend it's something deeper.
Love.
Need.
Lu Han doesn't mind shackles like these, not when they suit Minseok so perfectly.
Prompt: Exoplosion Challenge #1: Guilty Pleasures
Author's Note: Submitted with about 5 minutes to my deadline lol Anyway, once again, I am not an official participant of the Exoplosion drabble challenge, but I will be following the prompts and the deadlines as a writing exercise. It felt good to do something like this again.
I'll offer a commentary on this tomorrow when I'm not supposed to be sleeping. I just have to say I'm not completely pleased with it because I couldn't include everything I want to and my transitions were pretty bad. I need to keep to a smaller word count next time.
Okay, commentary time! It might get long because I... talk a lot orz. So let's start with the prompt! I actually really, really hated it because "guilty pleasures" is such a common phrase and there wasn't much for me to analyze? Not like Seouldout, which was pretty disappointing. I have higher hopes for the future of Exoplosion, but still. I originally came up with three ideas for this prompt: this one, a Baekyeol one where Baekhyun excuses his desire to watch Chanyeol with the excuse that Chanyeol worked with SNSD, and another one about Suho being masochistic. I asked around on twitter and decided to go step out of my comfort zone with this Xiuhan idea. It also helped that I've been talking about yanderes for the longest time with one of my friends.
So. In this story, Lu Han is supposed to be vaguely yandere-ish? It's supposed to be a little bit of a twist, because I initially set it up as Lu Han just finding joy in speaking in Korean and being able to translate for Xiumin all of the time -- but the truth of the matter is that that was all just the means to an end. What he really wanted was to cultivate some sort of dependence in Xiumin, where he would be forced to lean more and more on Xiumin. That part was inspired by talk on meme about how Xiumin doesn't seem to be trying with Mandarin that much because Lu Han keeps talking in Korean to him instead of forcing him to learn. Sink or swim, yeah? Everyone thinks Lu Han is spoiling Xiumin, but really Lu Han is spoiling himself which is ruining (?) Xiumin.
I originally wanted the imagery to be better in this -- that's a weak point of mine. I'm in ecology now and I really wanted to work in metaphors relating to commensalism vs parasitism in the form of ivy on a tree: ivy doesn't harm a tree by climbing on it, but if it starts weighing the tree down, it'll eventually kill it. Lu Han was gonna be the ivy/orchid (pretty and ambitious because it reaches so high, touchy, clingy, etc) while Xiumin was gonna be the tree (steady, strong). Unfortunately, I couldn't include this metaphor :( All that remains of it is the image of Lu Han clinging to Xiumin's back and Xiumin's hold being described as strong. Ah, regret is a strong thing lmao.
Speaking of regret, I wasn't sure if I managed to portray it very well here. It starts in the second section and continues to the end, so the reason Lu Han feels bad when Lay is speaking specifically is because he knows that what's being said is a lie -- none of it is really for Xiumin's benefit. Even when he's addressing Kris, I mention that he tells both a truth and a lie -- the problem isn't that he's a Koreaboo (the truth), but he isn't helping Xiumin like he says he is. And he knows that.
So the shackles now. They're mentioned twice -- the first time's a little innocent, but it's the second time that should raise some alarms about Lu Han's mindset, his possessiveness, how far that selfishness of his is willing to go. It matches the yandere idea I wanted to go with, haha, but they were something that evolved spontaneously. In case anyone doesn't know, a yandere is a person who appears cute, well-meaning, harmless, and pretty much normal on the surface but is actually obsessed with their love interest to the point of insanity. In the more extreme cases, it ends in bloodshed, haha, but here I just wanted to capture the more calculating, possessive side of it. After all, having someone become almost solely dependent on you in a foreign country where they can't really speak the language can be pretty empowering, which can be pretty addictive.
Which is why this story is called "Pavlovian", after the concept of Pavlovian conditioning (as I remember it /o\). After all, if I couldn't fit in my ecology crap in here, I might as well fit in my psychology stuff LMAO. But that's also connected to the shackles idea. The idea is that Xiumin is the one who accidentally sets this off. The first time Lu Han translates for him, he's so taken by Xiumin's positive reaction that he becomes... conditioned. Or Xiumin accidentally starts conditioning him. If Lu Han translates, Xiumin is grateful and makes Lu Han's heart ache in a good way. But it also means Xiumin puts less effort into learning Mandarin, which leads to a vicious cycle where he's asking for help, although Lu Han's skipped a step so that he preemptively translates things for Xiumin. So the first pair of shackles are the ones Xiumin accidentally stuck on Lu Han. The second pair's the result of that vicious cycle though, and is intentional on Lu Han's part.
So. Other than that, pretty straight-forward, ha. Honestly, reading back, there are words I would have cut off, words I would have added, sentences I would have reworded. But that's water under the bridge. My transitions were weak, so I'll have to work on that and I based the dynamics almost entirely off of Amy's Xiuhan meta, plus input from my own observations and Xiumin headcanon. Hm.
Fandom: Exo
Focus: Lu Han-centric, (one-sided) Lu Han/Xiumin
Genre: Romance, Gen
Rating: G
Length: Oneshot, 1000 words
Summary: Lu Han helps Xiumin with his Mandarin, for better or for worse.
Lu Han likes the way Korean sounds on his tongue, his voice carrying each syllable past his lips and into Minseok's ear. Hours of classes and years of practice have weathered away his accent, and the lack of mistakes nowadays has little to do with promoting in China. While Mandarin still slips out easily even after years away from what once was home -- as easily as sliding into place next to Minseok on-stage -- it's Korean he speaks behind closed doors, sings under his breath when the cameras aren't around.
But even under bright lights and the scrutiny of thousands of eyes, as the MCs chatter with the others and the audience roars appreciatively, Lu Han will place a hand on Minseok's shoulder and whisper Korean too low for anyone else to hear. Stray comments missed by the translator, exaggerated imitations of Yifan's scripted responses and Tao's sickeningly adorable ones, unprompted answers to questions Minseok doesn't even have time to convert into elementary Mandarin.
"Thank you," Minseok says each time, the phrase too simple for him to trip over but more than enough for Lu Han. He smiles widely at Lu Han, gums showing and teeth gleaming under the spotlight.
Sometimes, Lu Han is bold enough to grab Minseok's hand instead. Sometimes in addition to Minseok's smile, Lu Han is rewarded with the squeeze of small fingers, tightening around his heart. Minseok's hold is firm and strong in a way people probably don't expect from someone with such soft features, but Lu Han doesn't mind shackles like this.
"I didn't catch that," Minseok whispers behind his hand one day, an observation rather than a complaint. He laughs a beat too slow, his lips curled up into a confused smile, so Lu Han scoots over and eagerly explains the joke the MC made about Yixing's face. It's a pretty poor one and Lu Han doesn't properly insert the MC's trademark comedic pauses, but when it elicits a genuine laugh from Minseok, he knows it's worth it.
That's how it starts.
Languages only come easy to some people -- Lu Han simply has to look within his own group to confirm this, watching as Zitao and Jongdae take turns stumbling in each other's mother tongue while Yifan easily corrects one or the other with a fond smile on his face. Thus, Lu Han is happy to pick up where the translator and Minseok's understanding leave him lacking.
Initially, Lu Han only translates a word here or there, ones that Minseok couldn't have possibly picked up no matter how many lessons he's been assigned. Minseok's thanks is always satisfying in an understated sort of way, the crinkling of his eyes, a relieved sigh, the way he turns to Lu Han with unmistakable gratitude on his face.
It gets easier for Lu Han to read Minseok, how his shoulders tense when he can't keep up with the scripted banter or how his eyes dart from one side of the stage to the other to monitor the others' reactions. Yet very rarely will Minseok even glance at him despite standing side-by-side, no matter how ready Lu Han is to help.
"Feel free to ask anytime," Lu Han assures him backstage as they're getting fitted for their mics, throwing his arms around Minseok's neck from behind, "I don't want you feeling left out."
Minseok pats one of his arms, rolling his eyes. "I'm a big boy, Lu Han, I can take care of myself."
And he probably can -- Minseok's more capable than anyone gives him credit for -- but Lu Han likes how his eyes light up when Lu Han explains something to him in familiar Korean, that silly smile that spreads on his face. It's not a problem if Minseok's progress with Mandarin starts to slip, if his initiative happens to falter whenever Lu Han offers him easy comprehension on a silver platter.
It's not a problem.
Only it is, seeing as Yifan and Yixing corner Lu Han after he's spent one too many days coaxing Minseok out of Mandarin practice with Zitao. It had only been a matter of time; Minseok's workbook pages have been neglected for weeks now, his accent noticeably worse.
"I get it, okay?" Yifan says with all the self-assurance of someone who actually doesn't, "but you can't keep using Minseok as an excuse to practice your Korean when he's supposed to be learning Mandarin."
"It's not like that. I'm helping him," Lu Han tries to argue, his fists tightening at his sides in sync with his chest. He wants to punch Yifan.
Yifan's glare pierces straight through his words, both the truth and the lie. "You're hindering him. He's barely spoken ten complete sentences in Mandarin on the past three shows we've been on. Barely even tried. You think no one's noticed you whispering in his ear all of the time?"
Slender hands -- Yixing's, the traitor -- settle on Lu Han's shoulders, holding him back from further regrets.
"We're worried too, and we know you're just trying to help," Yixing reasons, his voice steady and even. Yet with every word, Lu Han feels his heart sinking heavily. "Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime, remember? This isn't fair to Minseok."
Even if they're right, even if Yixing's his best friend and Yifan's his leader, Lu Han can't stop. Won't stop.
"I don't know what I'd do without you," Minseok tells him, sitting so close that Lu Han can feel his warm breath. The last of a translation has just barely left Lu Han's lips when Minseok's hand reaches for his, giving it a small squeeze. He feels Yifan's disapproving stare directed at the back of his head, yet all he can think of is Minseok's gaze -- so tender that he could mistake it for more than mere gratefulness, can pretend it's something deeper.
Love.
Need.
Lu Han doesn't mind shackles like these, not when they suit Minseok so perfectly.
Prompt: Exoplosion Challenge #1: Guilty Pleasures
Author's Note: Submitted with about 5 minutes to my deadline lol Anyway, once again, I am not an official participant of the Exoplosion drabble challenge, but I will be following the prompts and the deadlines as a writing exercise. It felt good to do something like this again.
Okay, commentary time! It might get long because I... talk a lot orz. So let's start with the prompt! I actually really, really hated it because "guilty pleasures" is such a common phrase and there wasn't much for me to analyze? Not like Seouldout, which was pretty disappointing. I have higher hopes for the future of Exoplosion, but still. I originally came up with three ideas for this prompt: this one, a Baekyeol one where Baekhyun excuses his desire to watch Chanyeol with the excuse that Chanyeol worked with SNSD, and another one about Suho being masochistic. I asked around on twitter and decided to go step out of my comfort zone with this Xiuhan idea. It also helped that I've been talking about yanderes for the longest time with one of my friends.
So. In this story, Lu Han is supposed to be vaguely yandere-ish? It's supposed to be a little bit of a twist, because I initially set it up as Lu Han just finding joy in speaking in Korean and being able to translate for Xiumin all of the time -- but the truth of the matter is that that was all just the means to an end. What he really wanted was to cultivate some sort of dependence in Xiumin, where he would be forced to lean more and more on Xiumin. That part was inspired by talk on meme about how Xiumin doesn't seem to be trying with Mandarin that much because Lu Han keeps talking in Korean to him instead of forcing him to learn. Sink or swim, yeah? Everyone thinks Lu Han is spoiling Xiumin, but really Lu Han is spoiling himself which is ruining (?) Xiumin.
I originally wanted the imagery to be better in this -- that's a weak point of mine. I'm in ecology now and I really wanted to work in metaphors relating to commensalism vs parasitism in the form of ivy on a tree: ivy doesn't harm a tree by climbing on it, but if it starts weighing the tree down, it'll eventually kill it. Lu Han was gonna be the ivy/orchid (pretty and ambitious because it reaches so high, touchy, clingy, etc) while Xiumin was gonna be the tree (steady, strong). Unfortunately, I couldn't include this metaphor :( All that remains of it is the image of Lu Han clinging to Xiumin's back and Xiumin's hold being described as strong. Ah, regret is a strong thing lmao.
Speaking of regret, I wasn't sure if I managed to portray it very well here. It starts in the second section and continues to the end, so the reason Lu Han feels bad when Lay is speaking specifically is because he knows that what's being said is a lie -- none of it is really for Xiumin's benefit. Even when he's addressing Kris, I mention that he tells both a truth and a lie -- the problem isn't that he's a Koreaboo (the truth), but he isn't helping Xiumin like he says he is. And he knows that.
So the shackles now. They're mentioned twice -- the first time's a little innocent, but it's the second time that should raise some alarms about Lu Han's mindset, his possessiveness, how far that selfishness of his is willing to go. It matches the yandere idea I wanted to go with, haha, but they were something that evolved spontaneously. In case anyone doesn't know, a yandere is a person who appears cute, well-meaning, harmless, and pretty much normal on the surface but is actually obsessed with their love interest to the point of insanity. In the more extreme cases, it ends in bloodshed, haha, but here I just wanted to capture the more calculating, possessive side of it. After all, having someone become almost solely dependent on you in a foreign country where they can't really speak the language can be pretty empowering, which can be pretty addictive.
Which is why this story is called "Pavlovian", after the concept of Pavlovian conditioning (as I remember it /o\). After all, if I couldn't fit in my ecology crap in here, I might as well fit in my psychology stuff LMAO. But that's also connected to the shackles idea. The idea is that Xiumin is the one who accidentally sets this off. The first time Lu Han translates for him, he's so taken by Xiumin's positive reaction that he becomes... conditioned. Or Xiumin accidentally starts conditioning him. If Lu Han translates, Xiumin is grateful and makes Lu Han's heart ache in a good way. But it also means Xiumin puts less effort into learning Mandarin, which leads to a vicious cycle where he's asking for help, although Lu Han's skipped a step so that he preemptively translates things for Xiumin. So the first pair of shackles are the ones Xiumin accidentally stuck on Lu Han. The second pair's the result of that vicious cycle though, and is intentional on Lu Han's part.
So. Other than that, pretty straight-forward, ha. Honestly, reading back, there are words I would have cut off, words I would have added, sentences I would have reworded. But that's water under the bridge. My transitions were weak, so I'll have to work on that and I based the dynamics almost entirely off of Amy's Xiuhan meta, plus input from my own observations and Xiumin headcanon. Hm.